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Some Days

by Kelli Heidelberger

Some days I don’t have anything to say. Others I can write word after word, it may not make sense, but words on paper are important.

Some days I want to lock myself in my room and forget the rest of the world exists beyond the walls. Others I crave human interaction but can’t find a suitable counterpart.

I live a dichotomy that is neverending. It is neither satisfying nor enlightening. Some days it’s just annoying.

Most of my days are spent in a small dark box staring at a bright screen. It makes my eyes ache but my heart yearn for more.

I communicate with people far and wide. As far away as Chile and Australia, as close as the room next door. Some days my reach isn’t far enough.

My world is in chaos. Books in stacks, clothes unfolded, strewn over my computer chair. It is metal and makes my back sore. The titanium rods attached to my vertebrae scream for relief. I found a better use for that hunk of greenish grey metal. Water bottles pile up, some empty most are not, collected over time begging to be recycled, but some days I can’t be bothered to walk outside.

Projects, in various stages of completion, fill my head, like tumors that need to be surgically removed and dissected to find a cure. There is no cure. They fester and grow like gruesome tendrils curling their way through the folds of my brain.

Some days I long for places far away and dream beyond my four walls.

Others I just want to get a full night of sleep without dreams of people I don’t know.

Caffeine and sugar course through my veins. Pumping my blood faster to get me out of bed or at least thinking about it.

The click clacking of keystrokes has become music to my eyes. Words to my ears as I read aloud what I wrote. Bursts of color fog my vision as I no longer see what is in front of me.

Some days I don’t exist at all, just a body of muscle memory.

The New Age of App Dating – 10 Tips for your Profile Pic!

Who’s in charge of your dating life? You or Your Smartphone? Here are 10 tips to better your profile pic. Welcome to The New Age of App Dating.

by Lucy-Jade Norris

img via coffee meets bagel

img via coffee meets bagel

Let me start by telling you that the last time I was single, seven years ago, the dating scene was a whole different ball game. It was organic.

You met people at parties, through friends, at family events and it kind of just happened. Fate was the master of your relationship status. Today it seems it’s your smartphone that’s in control.

With a smartphone, a variety of singletons are ready for you at the touch of a button. The Coffee Meets Bagel app is designed to match women with a potential date every day at noon, and if she doesn’t like the look, she just swipes away. It’s a similar concept as Tinder and Zoosk: instant dating that moves at the same fast pace of the city. If you’re worried about privacy, though, it’s important to remember that if you are using these apps, your profile is visible to whoever else is on these apps, swiping or liking you at the same time.

I’ll grant that because of personalized dating apps, the dating scene is so much more manageable and you are not sifting through hundreds of irrelevant profiles like you would be on a site such as E-Harmony or Match. But then again, you are leaving your future happiness to the whims of a gadget. Your phone is pretty much determining your future significant other by sharing what it believes to be a suitable match for you, and you decide by just looking at a picture and reading a few short sentences on what might be a potential match for yourself.

Let me get back to my area of expertise though (and trust me, that’s not the dating part: I am still trying to figure the whole ‘being single in the city’ thing).  Let me help you out with the beauty part.

If you’re going to be part of the dating app craze, your picture is everything! I know this sounds superficial, but this is what you are sharing and what people are judging you on. You can let your personality do the talking when you meet, but until we get past the smartphone barrier we must consider the preliminaries carefully.

Here are my top 10 tips when it comes to your dating app picture:
(more…)

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, this Relationship is Not Black and White: Surviving Valentine’s Day When You’re Not “Official”

by Julia Gibson

girlsoda

img via vintagegal /tumblr

Valentine’s day is here, and it’s nearly impossible to be unaware of the holiday. When you are bombarded with red and pink decorations and extravagant Hallmark displays when you leave the house, it’s hard not to feel the pressure to celebrate. The expectations of people who are married, have a significant other, or are committed in one way or another are generally pretty clear: go out to a nice dinner, see a movie, exchange flowers or gifts

For a few of us however, Valentine’s Day happens to roll around at a time when our romantic situations are a bit messier. Whether you’re in the beginning of a dating relationship, you’re having casual, unattached sex with someone, you’re working up the courage to tell your secret crush how you really feel, or you have an ex that you’ve been seeing again, the forced emotionality of the holiday is bound to create an awkward situation or two.

So how do you manage when the relationship isn’t defined?

First of all, don’t do anything that you are not comfortable with. Even if everyone else around you is getting caught up in the romance, you don’t have to if you don’t want to. Think about what you want, not what you are supposed to want or what others want for you. Are you looking to keep it casual, or hoping that Valentine’s day will be the catalyst that takes your relationship to the next level? Spend some quiet time by yourself and trust your intuition.

If you’re hoping for something more, keep your expectations low. Expectations are a set-up for disappointment.

Regina Spektor – Hero (Expectations vs. Reality) on Vimeo.

However fun it might be to fantasize about being surprised with a declaration of love from your crush, remember that doing so only makes it that much more upsetting if it doesn’t happen. Plus, if you take things as they come rather than trying to control things, it is that much more exciting to be swept off your feet.

david_duchovny7

seriously! check out dem jeans!

Make other plans. Don’t wait around to see whether they will ask you to do something. You’re just setting yourself up for a night of disappointment at home, throwing popcorn at the TV and screaming at the characters in Return to Me that love doesn’t really exist. Instead, make plans for your friends to come over and join you in checking out David Duchovny’s butt in his work jeans, or to go out and do an activity that reminds you that you are alive.

If going out isn’t your speed, make a plan with yourself to do something that you’ve wanted to do for a while, whether that’s trying a new recipe, reading that book that’s been collecting dust, or my personal favorite, watching/singing along to “100 Greatest Love Songs” on VH1. This day can be just as much about love your friends and yourself as it is about romantic love.

If you end up doing something for the holiday, keep it casual. Instead of getting a huge gift or planning an elaborate evening, consider writing a short, lighthearted card, picking some flowers, or baking cookies for your non-date. Do something little to show you’re thinking of them. Their favorite candy bar is not the same as an engagement ring, so don’t stress too much about its meaning. 

If all else fails, talk about it. You could avoid the issue, yes, but mostly it’s best to just be straightforward with your ambiguously romantic friend. You could present it in a joking way, saying something like “how awkward is it that we started seeing each other just before Valentine’s day, right?” Otherwise, simply being honest is the way to go. Think the holiday is a load of BS? Tell them. Don’t want to feel pressure to define what you have? Let them know. Really want to use this as an opportunity to reevaluate your relationship? Do it. Just make sure that you are communicating.

Most important of all, this Valentine’s Day I urge you to commit to loving yourself first. As trite as that sounds, it’s essential. You are, after all, the one you’re taking home the night of the 14th. Plus, you’ll never gift yourself the wrong assortment of chocolates. ♥


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img via coffee meets bagel
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