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[Cake or Death] Recipe: Beef Wellington

Beef Wellington: revered by everyone, enjoyed by many, and feared by most. It can’t be that hard to wrap a piece of beef in some bread and cook it, right? You’re right. It’s not.

Most people are intimidated by this British culinary delight. I partially blame Gordon Ramsay and his barking at the would-be TV chef, for instilling sheer terror into the hearts of many, from keeping them from attempting their hand at a juicy, crispy, rich Wellington. But how can we stay mad at or do anything but love that man? I digress.

Whether you’re having a  casual dinner party or a planning an extravagant romantic Valentine’s Day this weekend, this recipe will surely delight. What a great way to show that special (albeit flesh-consuming carnivore) someone you care!

Hopefully this step-by-step guide will show you how incredibly easy this dish is. You’ll get Oohs, and Ahhs, and hopefully some mmms, and maybe even some mmmmms if you know what I’m saying. *wink win–* Oh, sorry I was getting ahead of myself there. Where was I again? Oh yes. Valentine’s Day. You should make this. Then let us know how it goes. Cheers!

Ingredients (Serves 2-4)


  • 2 8oz portions of filet mignon
  • 1-2 tbsp. extra virgin olive oil
  • 1-2 tbsp unsalted butter
  • 2 shallots
  • 2 cloves minced garlic
  • ½ cup white wine
  • 2 tbsp chopped Italian parsley
  • 8 oz Cremini mushrooms
  • 3-6 sprigs fresh thyme
  • 10 slices Prosciutto di Parma
  • 1 sheet puff pastry
  • Colman’s English mustard
  • Egg wash
  • Salt and pepper
  1. Season the filets with salt and pepper. In a skillet, heat olive oil until glistening. Sear filets for about one minute on each side. Remove immediately and brush with the English mustard. The warmth of the meat will seal in the flavor of the mustard and makes a difference. Trust me.
  2. Chop mushrooms finely with a food processor or a knife. Mince the shallots, garlic, thyme, and parsley. In the same pan used for the filet, melt the butter. Cook the shallots and garlic in the melted butter until translucent and fragrant (3-5 minutes). This will be your mushroom duxelles.
  3. Add mushrooms to the shallot & garlic, and cook down until liquid has evaporated. Pour in the white wine and cook until excess liquid has evaporated. Add parsley, and thyme, then remove skillet from heat.
  1. On a clean surface, unroll cling wrap and lay flat on a hard surface (countertop). Make sure this surface is wide and long enough to wrap around the circumference of the entire filet. Lay out half of the Prosciutto in strips, slightly overlapping each piece. With a spatula, place half of the mushroom duxelles over the layered prosciutto, leaving about one inch on each edge. You will repeat this step, since we are making individual portions.
  2. Place the filets on the mushroom duxelles and use the cling wrap to bring the prosciutto up and all the way around the filets. Wrap tightly to create a cylinder, twisting the ends like a Toostie-roll to keep it nice and tight. Place the two wrapped filets in the fridge until ready to wrap in puff pastry.
  3. Preheat oven to 400℉, and prepare puff pastry.
  4. You can make puff pastry or purchase it. To keep things simple, I like the Pepperidge Farms frozen puff pastry in a pinch. Roll out a sheet large enough to cover the filets. Cut in half.
  5. Remove your filets from the fridge, and carefully unwrap each roll. Place onto puff pastry. Seal edges with an egg wash (1 egg + 1 tbsp milk) and make sure that your puff pastry is wrapped firmly around the filet itself. If you have any extra puff pastry leftover, you can use it to make special decorations. As you can see, I added a spooky touch to mine. With a pastry brush, brush your egg wash over the top of your baby Wellington.
  6. Now, this is where Wellington can become tricky. If you have kept your meat in the fridge, you are more likely to get a medium rare to rare center (which is what you want anyway), but if your meat is completely room temperature, it will likely end up more on the well done side. For these smaller cuts of meat, it generally takes less time for it to cool off…so I would say 20-30 minutes out of the fridge while you are preparing your pastry/rolling  is enough time to be safe and keep your meat at optimal serving temperature.
  7. Cook Wellingtons for about 20-25 minutes, and let rest for 5-10 minutes before serving. If you like to rui…er, consume your meat well done, you can leave it in the oven for 5 or so minutes longer. Remember, your meat will continue to cook slightly after removing from the oven.

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haikuesday: whiskey jellyfish #3

by Jax NTP

whiskey jellyfish #3

pinprink lips resound
when our fingertips flickfuck
almost unavowed

– – – – –

jaxntp newlidJax NTP holds an MFA in Creative Writing from CSU Long Beach. They currently teach critical thinking and composition courses at Golden West College in Huntington Beach, CA. They are the assistant Poetry Editor of The Offing Magazine, the former Editor-in-Chief of RipRap Literary Journal, and associate editor of The Fat City Review. Jax has an affinity for jellyfish and polaris, and a fetish for miniature succulent terrariums.



feature image by: Mathias Appel ( creative commons)
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by Kristen Skjonsby


To the bride, and her shifting heft,
from her, the borrowed campus
at variance in hues, dependent on what piece
has been exposed to sun,
the blotted visage which dutifully pulls along.

To him, you may become more
than one upon the navel, flattened,
you will find that what was once a worm,
a slug the second after, and after,
the potent charm.

So bared to nudge
along the mare’s equator
her cowered hidden mouth among
the flowered curling snaps,
a lock that swings out pasture.

On ears the two heard it counting:
There is nothing like entering,
only you are me without you,
this life be for the mating.

Within she counts the men on two hands
but daydreams of a dick in her pants.
my cunt is omnivorous, she laughs.
And hunger is as much about
the warm muzzle snuff on the open hand.

They exchanged their vows:
there’s no one you’d rather be
than me

So reaching, they the cognate made
There but two breasts, we,
eyeing one another
across her

missing you entirely
measured by sensitive degrees
as tautology it counted on:
there is nothing but to be

This first night together
spent carousel feasting
white sap crusting on our cheeks

– – – – –


Kristen Skjonsby knows that life deserves writing and dedicates herself to helping others achieve its reflective potential. She graduates from Cal State University Long Beach with an MA in the Spring of 2016. She has been published in Lumen Magazine.



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Lapel Pins (and Patches) to Get Your Swagger Back

All the Lapel Pins and Patches You’ve Ever Wanted

I will never retire my love for lapel pins and patches. I’m an indie-emo kid at heart, and have hoarded my teenaged collection of one-inch band pins the same way Johnny Depp hoards his massive pile of scarves and rings. Remember your Jansport backpack stuck with all those Bikini Kill, Bright Eyes, and NOFX pins? Remember logging on the AOL dial-up, ready to surf on all those pre-Etsy, GeoCities DIY stores? Well, they’re all grown up now, just like you.

I am living for these enamel lapel pins and patches, and hope you’ll find one (or a dozen) you like too.

Got a Girl Crush

aja lapel pin

img via @ajavines / “my name ain’t baby” ($11)

These lapel pins by Got a Girl Crush are everything.  Starting as a blog and ‘zine in 2009, Got a Girl Crush is a yearly publication “to document the never-ending accomplishments of women in hopes to inspire others to do the same.”

The current issue (04, $18) is on sale now, and features activists, artists, teachers, humanitarians, and one of my favorite humans: comedian Jessica Williams (of The Daily Show and general bad-assness fame!).

Big Bud Press

These little cuties are nearly sold out! Playful and pun-full, you will find a lapel pin to satisfy your needs. Big Bud also deals in patches and apparel, and prices start around $12. This nail salon neon pin is giving me some serious Patrick Nagel vibes and I dig ’em like a shovel. What’s cool about Big Bud Press is that these pins are made from recyclable materials in small batches in the U.S. Keep in touch with them @bigbudpress.

Sad Truth Supply

Irreverent lapel pins for “over-thinkers & underachievers,” these pins were made for me on a soul-level. Adorn your lapel with Christopher Walken, Steve Buscemi, or Kurt & Courtney. Sad Truth Supply also deals in apparel and patches so you can lvl up the punk however you want. Or just chill. Ya know…whatever. Consider the “mom” pin as an early Mother’s Day Gift. A less temporary tattoo you can wear anywhere.

From Lini with Love

From the artist herself—

Caroline Victoria: I love good, old-fashioned snail mail. I am a visual designer for Forever 21, which I love, but I wanted my own project outside of work. So, on Valentine’s Day last year #fromliniwithlove was born. I started with postcards and have expanded now to prints and pins. My mission is to create simple products that resonate with people. My pieces are colorful and whimsical.

Lately, pins and patches have been all the rage but I noticed many related specifically to LA culture. I am originally from Miami, so I wanted to kick off my pin line with something that celebrated Miami culture. My “Magic City” Guava pin mashes up the beautiful guava fruit with the Miami Heat logo.

Caroline’s #fromliniwithlove collection is available at a few boutiques across the country and in her Etsy shop as well. Caroline also loves doing custom pieces! You can follow Caroline on instagram @linivictoria

Collections & More

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images via: @ajavines, @kirstinedanger, @sweeet_tweeets, valley cruise (@valleycruisepress), creepy company (@creepycompany), @linivictoria

Any shops we’ve missed? Leave your favorite shop in the comments.

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